When Big Feelings Show Up: A Trauma-Informed, Attachment-Based Meltdown Management Guide for Parents of Kids Ages 9–12

Finally — A Guide That Actually Explains What's Happening Inside Your Preteen

It's 4:30 on a Tuesday. Your child walks through the door, you ask one perfectly normal question, and somehow the whole afternoon falls apart.

You're not doing it wrong. And your kid isn't broken.

What you're watching is a nervous system under pressure — communicating the only way it knows how right now. When Big Feelings Show Up gives you the brain science, the practical frameworks, and the real words to say so that the next hard moment doesn't have to feel so hard.

Grounded in neuroscience, attachment theory, and trauma-informed care. Written in plain language for real parents in the thick of it.

What's Inside This 7-Page Printable Guide:

✓ Introduction: A Note to You, Before We Begin

• A story you'll recognise immediately
• What's actually happening developmentally for kids ages 9–12
• Why your child brings their biggest feelings home — and what that means about your relationship

✓ What's Actually Happening?

• Plain-language brain science explaining why logic doesn't work during a meltdown
• The upstairs/downstairs brain — and what to do when your child has "flipped their lid"
• Why connection must always come before correction

✓ Brain State Cards: Red, Yellow & Green

• What each state looks like in your 9–12 year old
• Specific, practical parent responses for each state
• How to read the early warning signs before full flood hits

✓ The CALM Framework

• A clear 4-step roadmap from meltdown to repair
• Parent scripts at every stage
• What to do when you're dysregulated too

✓ The Co-Regulation Ladder

• A 5-rung guide to helping your child return to calm
• How to stay connected without escalating
• What co-regulation actually looks like for preteens specifically

✓ What To Say — and What to Avoid

• Ready-to-use scripts for every stage of a meltdown
• Phrases that accidentally make things worse (and what to say instead)
• A regulation strategy toolkit to build with your child in calm moments

✓ Parent Reflection Page

• Writable prompts for after the storm
• A pattern-tracking section personalised to your unique child
• A self-compassion reminder, because you're going through something hard too

This Guide Is For You If:

• Your 9–12 year old has meltdowns that seem completely out of proportion
• You never know whether to give space or stay close — and you usually guess wrong
• Consequences and reasoning aren't working and you don't know what will
• You want to respond instead of react — but in the moment, everything goes out the window
• You're exhausted, and you just need someone to tell you what to actually do

The Belief Behind This Guide:

All kids are good kids. Behaviour is never the problem — it's always the message. This guide will help you learn the language.

Informed by the Best in the Field:

Built on the research and frameworks of:

• Dr. Bruce Perry — Neurosequential Model, What Happened to You?
• Dr. Jody Carrington — Co-regulation and connection, Kids These Days
• Dr. Dan Siegel — Whole-Brain parenting, "name it to tame it"
• Chuck Geddes — Intensive Therapeutic Support, behaviour as attachment communication
• Angela Murphy — Trauma-informed SEL practice
• Dr. Vanessa Lapointe — Developmental parenting, Discipline Without Damage

All contributors are credited within the guide.

What You'll Get:

📱 Instant Digital Download (PDF format) 📄 7 pages of compassionate, practical strategies 🧠 Brain State Cards for reading your child's nervous system in real time 🗣 Ready-to-use scripts for the hardest moments ✏️ Writable reflection and pattern-tracking pages 📚 Full research credits and key references throughout

Instant Download | No Shipping Required | Works on All Devices

Permission to Be Imperfect:

You won't get it right every time. Some moments you'll stay calm and it will all go sideways anyway. Some moments you'll lose your temper and then feel terrible. Both are normal. This guide isn't about being a perfect parent — it's about coming back. Every single time.

You'll Get:

Immediate access to your downloadable PDF after purchase. Print at home, at a copy shop, or keep it digital on any device. Designed for US Letter size (8.5 × 11").