The school bell rings for the last time before break, and while many families are celebrating the start of vacation, you might be bracing yourself. You know what's coming: the meltdowns, the dysregulation, the child who seemed to be doing so well at school suddenly falling apart at home.
If this is your reality, you're not alone. And more importantly, neither you nor your child is doing anything wrong.
At Raising Good Kids, we believe that all kids are good kids—including the ones who struggle when routines shift, who seem to unravel during what's supposed to be "fun" time off, and who need more support during transitions than other children might.
Why School Breaks Are Hard for Some Kids
For many children, especially those who are neurodivergent, have experienced trauma, or have sensitive nervous systems, the structure of school provides crucial regulation. The predictable rhythm of the school day, the same morning routine, the scheduled transitions, the clear expectations acts as an external framework that helps them manage their internal world.
When that framework disappears, even temporarily, it can feel destabilizing.
Think about it from your child's perspective: they've spent weeks or months building mastery over their school routine. They know what comes next. They know where they're supposed to be and what they're supposed to do. They've developed relationships with teachers and friends. They've created a sense of safety within that structure.
Then break arrives, and suddenly everything changes. Different wake-up times, unstructured days, disrupted sleep schedules, altered meal times, new social dynamics, and often, increased sensory stimulation from holiday activities and gatherings. For a child whose nervous system craves predictability, this can trigger a stress response that shows up as challenging behavior.
Add to this the fact that many school breaks coincide with holidays that bring their own complications: family gatherings with complex dynamics, pressure to be "grateful" or "happy," changes in diet and routine, late nights, travel, and the general overstimulation that often accompanies celebrations. What looks like a joyful break to adults can feel overwhelming and dysregulating to a child who's already working hard to manage their internal state.
What Dysregulation Looks Like During Breaks
You might notice your child:
- Having more frequent or intense meltdowns over seemingly small things
- Reverting to younger behaviors (baby talk, increased clinginess, toileting accidents)
- Showing increased anxiety or worry about things that didn't bother them before
- Having difficulty sleeping or changes in appetite
- Being more aggressive or oppositional than usual
- Withdrawing or seeming "checked out"
- Struggling with transitions even more than normal
- Having a shorter fuse and less ability to cope with frustration
These aren't signs of manipulation or bad parenting. They're signs of a nervous system under stress, trying to cope with significant change while lacking the usual supports.
Creating Safety Within the Uncertainty
The goal during school breaks isn't to replicate school at home or to eliminate all spontaneity and fun. It's to provide enough structure and predictability that your child's nervous system can relax, while still allowing space for rest and connection.
Anchor the day with consistent rhythms. Even if the middle of the day is unstructured, try to keep wake-up times, meal times, and bedtimes relatively consistent. These anchors help signal safety to your child's body, even when other things are changing.
Create a visual schedule together. Sit down with your child and map out what the week will look like. Use pictures, drawings, or written words—whatever works for your child's developmental stage. Include the fun stuff (movie day, baking cookies, park visit) alongside the mundane (breakfast, quiet time, bedtime). Review this schedule each morning so your child knows what to expect.
Build in predictable downtime. Children need time to decompress, especially during breaks when there's often more activity than usual. Schedule intentional quiet time each day where expectations are low and your child can simply be. This might look like reading together, independent play in their room, listening to audiobooks, or just lying on the couch.
Maintain key routines. Even if you're being more flexible overall, identify the non-negotiables that help your child regulate and protect those. Maybe it's the bedtime routine, or morning snuggle time, or the way you say goodbye before an outing. These familiar rituals provide touchstones of safety.
Prepare for transitions. Give warnings before shifts in activity. "In ten minutes, we're going to clean up and have lunch." Set a timer if that helps. Talk through what's coming next. The more you can reduce surprise, the more you help your child's nervous system stay regulated.
Managing Holiday-Specific Challenges
Family gatherings: If you're attending events with extended family, prepare your child in advance. Talk about who will be there, what the space will be like, and what behavior is expected. Create an exit strategy: a code word that means "I need a break" or permission to retreat to a quiet room. Bring comfort items from home. And remember, it's okay to leave early or skip events altogether if your child's wellbeing requires it.
Gift expectations: The excitement around presents can be dysregulating in itself. Some children become overwhelmed by too many gifts or the pressure to perform gratitude. Consider spacing out gift-opening, preparing your child for what to expect, and prioritizing experiences over material items. It's also okay to return or donate gifts that overstimulate or don't serve your family.
Schedule overload: Just because there's time off doesn't mean every day needs to be packed with activities. Children often do better with less, not more. It's okay to say no to invitations, to have days where you stay home in pajamas, to choose rest over another holiday outing.
Changes in caregiving: If break means different caregivers (staying with grandparents, going to a camp, having a parent home who's usually at work), prepare your child for these changes. Maintain connection through the day with video calls, notes in their lunch, or a special bracelet you both wear.
When Your Child Falls Apart
Despite your best efforts, there will be hard moments. When your child is dysregulated during break, remember that their behavior is communication, not manipulation.
Stay calm and connected. Your regulated presence is the most powerful tool you have. Get down to their level, speak softly, and offer physical comfort if they want it. Don't try to reason with them or teach them in the moment—that comes later, when everyone is calm.
Validate their experience without trying to fix it immediately. "You're having such big feelings right now. I'm right here with you. You're safe." Sometimes children just need to be witnessed in their struggle, to know that their feelings aren't too much for you to handle.
Offer regulation support through the senses: a glass of cold water, a heavy blanket, dimmed lights, a tight hug, movement like jumping or pushing against a wall. Help their body find safety again.
And when things calm down, resist the urge to debrief extensively or impose consequences. Your child likely already feels bad about falling apart. What they need is reconnection, not a lecture. Save the conversation about what happened for later, when you're both regulated and can problem-solve together.
Taking Care of Yourself
Supporting a child through holiday dysregulation is exhausting. You might be managing your own stress about disrupted routines, holiday expectations, or judgment from family members who don't understand why your child struggles. You might be grieving the "normal" holiday experience you imagined.
Those feelings are valid. Give yourself permission to let go of Pinterest-perfect expectations. Your child doesn't need elaborate activities or picture-perfect celebrations. They need your regulated, present, compassionate self.
That means you need to regulate too. Take breaks when you can. Ask for help. Lower your standards for housework and meal prep. Say no to things that drain you. Connect with other parents who understand. And remember that this is temporary—school will resume, routine will return, and your child will likely settle again.
The Bigger Picture
Here's what I want you to remember: your child isn't being difficult. They're having difficulty. The fact that they struggle during breaks doesn't mean you're failing or that they'll always be this way. It means their nervous system is wired to need more support during transitions, and you're learning how to provide that support.
Some children simply need more scaffolding than others. That's not a deficit, it's just their reality right now. And the beautiful thing about providing that scaffolding consistently is that over time, children internalize it. The external structure you provide becomes internal regulation. The co-regulation you offer teaches them how to self-regulate.
But that takes time. It takes repetition. It takes patience and compassion through many difficult breaks before the breaks start feeling easier.
In the meantime, trust that your child is doing their best with the nervous system they have. Trust that you're doing your best too. And trust that providing structure, connection, and regulation during this break, even when it's messy and hard—is exactly what your child needs.
At Raising Good Kids, we believe that all kids are good kids. That includes the child who melts down on day three of break, the child who seems to save all their hardest behavior for you, the child who needs more support than you expected. They're not broken. They're not bad. They're just kids with developing nervous systems, learning to navigate a world that doesn't always make sense to them.
And you? You're exactly the parent they need. Even on the days when it doesn't feel like it. Especially on those days.
This break will end. The routine will return. And in the meantime, you're teaching your child something far more valuable than perfect behavior: you're teaching them that they're safe with you, even when everything else feels uncertain. That their big feelings don't scare you away. That you'll stay regulated even when they can't.
That's the foundation everything else is built on. And you're building it, one challenging break at a time.